You are ---- stop it, stop it, you're making me blush all over. Could be the hives. So happy Thursday, everyone. I love Thursdays because they're like Tuesday's hotter, mysterious cousin. Whereas Tuesday says, "Sorry, guys, I have to stay in and do my homework." Thursday is like, "Hey, what are you doing later? Why don't you swing by my van and we can party? I just had the upholstery Scotchguarded." Speaking of parties, what a transition. This week we saw an amazing contrast to two governors and their inauguration speeches. While one spoke of celebrating policies that led to unprecedented population growth, the other groveled to citizens she once mocked for leaving her state. First, the Empress of Eyebrows, New York Governor Kathy Hochul, vowing to make her state a better place to live. Well, as soon as she figures out who replaced your Botox with Krazy Glue. Roll it.

NYPD SEARCHING FOR SUSPECTS WANTED FOR STRING OF ARMED ROBBERIES ACROSS NYC

GOV. KATHY HOCHUL, D-N.Y.: We must and will make our state safer. This means New Yorkers can walk our streets and ride our subways, our kids can go to school free from fear... We have to make our state more affordable... New Yorkers are just struggling to pay rent, food and gas to get to their jobs. They're hurting... And we must reverse the trend of people leaving our state in search of lower costs and opportunities elsewhere.

Yeah, so she's ordered the National Guard to bomb Florida and Texas. She has no other solutions. But she now admits people are leaving in search of lower costs and opportunities elsewhere. I guess that includes the opportunity to not get stabbed or pushed in front of a subway, activities that blossomed under her watch as she continues to defend no cash bail. Of course, this is the same jackass who just a few months ago told unhappy New Yorkers to beat it to Florida. Turns out she was giving them good advice.

GOV. KATHY HOCHUL, D-N.Y.: And we're here to say that the era of Trump and Zeldin and Molinaro, just jump on a bus and head down to Florida where you belong. Okay. Get out of town, get out of town.

NYPD SEARCHING FOR SUSPECTS WANTED FOR STRING OF ARMED ROBBERIES ACROSS NYC

Yeah, notice how she said bus. Even she knows that thanks to her higher taxes and gas prices, we can't afford to fly or drive. So the message was clear. Take a hike if you disagree with my views, and if you're headed to The Villages, bring a lot of condoms ---- believe me, I've been there. But now that this hypocrite is in office, she's begging all those taxpayers that she once mocked to come back, she's like a blubbering ex, pleading for forgiveness after dumping you and then seeing you suddenly date a richer, healthier partner. Hmm. I'd say she's two faced, which is good. 

Since, the one she already has is stretched too thin. And as usual, the media is letting this slide. Check out this headline from The New York Times, "At inauguration Hochul vows to make New York safer and more affordable." Wait, you mean like Florida or Texas? Or at this rate, Somalia? What a stupid headline. That's like saying, after killing his wife. O.J. hopes to let his next wife live. Yeah. Thank you...

TYRUS: He was acquitted by his peers.

You're right. You're right. But where did Dems like Hochul think this was headed? Did they think people would be forever okay with living in this liberal hellhole? "Oh, but no, New York has such great theater." That's true, but it's hard to take your sister to see Revival of Miss Saigon starring Jim Belushi, if she's recovering from a stabbing in Times Square. Fact is, policies like punishing tax rates, rising crime and overbearing COVID restrictions created a place so bad that the only way to keep residents from leaving is if there's a Berlin Wall around them. And now they act like they don't see this coming. 

FLORIDA IS THE FASTEST-GROWING STATE IN THE US FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 1957: CENSUS BUREAU

Sorry, Hochul, you can't say your eyes weren't wide open. I'm not letting this go. It's obvious I miss Stelter. Because it's not the guy begging for change in Times Square who left town, it's the people who used to toss the guy a buck who left. It's the rich who pay the taxes, who keep cities afloat, and it's not just them who left, corporations bolted like James Corden, fleeing a restaurant when the bill comes. Hell, in hindsight, AOC did Jeff Bezos a favor by keeping him out of this hellscape. Barclays, Morgan Stanley, Goldman Sachs have relocated jobs to Florida, North Carolina, Tennessee, where people are polite and heavily armed. The way God intended. At least they didn't shoot their guns in the air. 

Anyway, tech companies did the same in liberal run California with jobs fleeing to Texas. To me, it's a good sign. It's capitalism having an allergic reaction to socialism. And while Hochul was begging people to come back, Governor Ron DeSantis was congratulating them on getting out.

GOV. RON DESANTIS, R-FLA.: The policies pursued by these states have sparked a mass exodus of productive Americans from these jurisdictions, with Florida serving as the most desired destination, a promised land of sanity. Many of these cities and states have embraced faddish ideology at the expense of enduring principle... We will not allow reality, facts and truth to become optional. We will never surrender to the woke mob. Florida is where woke goes to die.

DESANTIS CALLS FLORIDA ‘LAND OF SANITY,' SLAMS BIDEN POLICIES WITH INAUGURAL ADDRESS

So where woke goes to die, that should be the new state motto because it's true. It is where the woke go to die. Well, that and the elderly and I don't, I don't blame them, it's great. I'm going to go there and die, soon. New Hampshire's been saying live free or die for 75-years, and when's the last time they killed anybody? Phonies. But DeSantis is right, both California and New York had six figure population loss since 2020, while Texas and Florida have seen growth in the six figure range. Bottom line, the blue states have their work cut out for them. Otherwise, in five years when someone farts in L.A., New York or S.F., it's going to echo for miles. But hey, they may already be on the case. Check out this ad I saw late last night.

"GUTFELD!" SKIT: Hey, all you great people who left New York for Florida. We want you back. We've made tons of changes since you've been gone and you're going to love what we've done with the place. Like in our libraries, where every night is now Dudes Who Dress Like Ladies Night. And we heard you hate unnecessary lockdowns, which is why we're not locking down anyone, including the Central Park masturbator, the downtown defecator and The Riddler. Plus, why pay 250 bucks to see Mickey Mouse when you can see tons of real mice for free?

CHILD: Wow, that's awesome.

"GUTFELD SKIT!": That's right, kid. And we've got tons of entertainment options for the whole family. Like Crazy Guy Yelling On Street Corner, and Sidewalk Slasher. And if you felt like there's too many old people in Florida, don't worry. In New York, our leaders took care of that years ago. And in Florida, it's hot all the time. But New York has all four seasons. Hot, really hot, cold and ---- this. So come back to New York, where we promise to kill you less.